On Life Decisions

“because as easy as it is to forget, you’re free to do what you want with your life. the problem is, that can be quite the responsibility, to live your life the way you want to, rather than they way you are expected to.”

This was exactly what I needed to hear. That someone else had the same doubts as me. I’m cherishing every precious moment I have left at college. As a senior it has become awfully evident that my time here is coming to a close. That being said, I don’t have a desire to extend it any longer. These have been some of the best, worst, most challenging, and most rewarding years of my life. But I am nearly finished here. And the question remains, “What will I do now?”

I am one of the Liberal Arts devotees your Engineer Uncle warns you about. You know, the ones who pretend to know about Proust, pretend to watch Ken Burns’ films, and wear the ubiquitous uniform of Starbuck’s aprons. Ya, I’m graduating with a degree that has very little cultural or academic capital. But I’m also not graduating with any debt. I know that the education I’ve experienced is a luxury that not everyone can afford, but, I would never label it a regret. It has bought me time, and taught me skills, while I search for the career I would really like to commit myself too. Regardless of what people say, for those of us who don’t want to build bridges (literal) it provides transferable skills to build bridges (figurative). But now I’m at that point where I need to build a bridge, but I’m just like, “to where…?”

I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and two years of my life is an awful lot of time to commit to something I’m not 100% sure of. And I can’t say I feel that way about anything right now. And when I am unsure I pray. But sometimes it seems like God is kind of unsure too. Like I just toss up a little “wazzup?” and He’s just sort of like “meh.”

But Jessica kind of hit the proverbial nail on the head here when she talked about the freedom to do as one likes, regardless of what other’s think. The problem is that sometimes I get the two awfully muddled. Someone once told me that sometimes when you don’t hear God’s voice He’s leaving you to the good judgment of following your own. Sometimes, in the midst of outside suggestions, advice, and unsolicited opinions, it’s just awfully hard to figure out which voice that is.

Lately when I’ve been contemplating what it is my voice is saying I’ve wondered if it still exists beyond all the racquet of advisors, journalist, and Pew studies. It seems like we spend so much of our young life listening to the voices of what others tell us we should pursue, aspire to, or attain, we forget what it is we wanted to begin with.  It feels like I have spent so much of my life doing what it is that others told me I am good at, that I don’t remember what it was I ever actually wanted to do to begin with. So here’s to the great failures, the great triumphs, the great adventures and the great rebels. We may still have no freaking idea what it is we want, but monotony sure ain’t it.

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